Continued Suspense

I am in the strangest place, but I feel as if I was able to reach a mini resolution yesterday. Albeit with myself. I can't let this continue to affect me. At the end of the day, no one here is caring about me or how I feel, so why should I care? I can't let him or this situation ruin my life, and as he's told me before I have a choice. So I am not going to let this affect me. I am young and I need to be happy. If I can't deal with it at the end of the day, he himself said it, I will need to make a decision. But screw them all. I am so tired of having to feel down and out about everything. I feel like I have all these people and things around me that are trying to hold me down and its quite honestly suffocating me. I need to start doing things for me, like going to the gym, focusing on my work, on taking classes, on things that will benefit me since no one else is caring about how I personally feel. So that's it. I refuse to let this all depress me and bring me down. As I said, I am young, pretty, smart, I have a career, a body, and there is no reason for me to let ANYTHING or ANYONE bring me down. And if he doesn't like it, he is going to have to move out the way.

It's a shame to start this under these circumstances. Though I just alleviated my work problems, my personal life feels like its in shambles right now. My husband seems to think moving in with my in-laws is ok, that it is going to be fine. What planet is he living on? How could you POSSIBLY think that it is ok. He seems to think that we are going to live there for a year or God knows how long and that things between us will be fine. They will not be fine. He thinks that its not going to cause problems when it will. All of this because his father cannot get himself together and make enough money. And he wants to keep them in luxury, with a huge house and a brand new car and everything else that they have at all costs, even if it costs him his marriage. At the end of the day, he has made them so dependant on him, that they feel its ok to sit back and ask for money every month, and obviously he is fine with that. Why are we the ones that have to sacrifice all the time when they are the ones with no money. I don't understand. How are they alright with it? They think its fine to put us out of our apartment for their sake? They think that that's ok? Why don't they take the initiative and move somewhere else? As long as we have been married they have been having problems making the rent. Yet they have NEVER even offered us the house. I know how his dad is, and even his aunt told me, he is very materialistic. His dad doesn't care about what he puts us through as long as he has his comfort. He especially won't mind having his son there to play things and with and to watch games with. And then of course he is going to expect me to baby sit his wife. The truth of the matter is that no one here seems to care about me, about how things will affect me. I told his mother indirectly and she just told me to calm down but didn't offer me much more than that. She doesn't care either. She rather have him there to be able to control him and to be everywhere we are. I am sure that she's going to be expecting me to take her places and spend time with her, write her parts for her and resolve problems for her. I am not going to do it. That's the reason that they don't care and don't object to it, as long as their problems are resolved and he is there in the house to do everything for them they are thrilled. His uncle said that she was thrilled about it. As long as their little boy is in the house to do everything for them and for them to keep tabs on, they feel wonderful. At the end of the day, I don't even think they would care if we divorced, I think they would be happy to have him all to himself again.

I love my husband but I feel so desperate, so horrible. I feel like I am at my witts end and I just don't know what to do. I am just so unhappy, I have horrible thoughts in my head. I don't sleep well and I am not eating well either. God help me.